Saturday, January 29, 2011


Photo by Keetha

In honor of our newest Follower, whose reading and opinion I value, and who never thinks I'm vulgar, no matter what.

HER? The one a-cacklin' fit to bust? That there’s Miss Carla Bethune, with her honky-tonk lipstick and that ratty old three-fox fur thing with ‘em bitin’ each others’ tails---that thing looks like sump'n you’d a drug out from under the porch. Who in the blue blazes would put sump’n like that around their NECK and wear it, anyway?. I swear she found that thing dead somewheres.

She always HAS been a bit of a heller, she has. Ever since that time she worked over there at Perkin’s PanAM, serving in the caffay---she got her eye on the School Superintendent that time, remember? He’d come in for a cup a coffee, and she’d fling everything on the menu at ‘im---know whudda mean? And her in that pink nylon uniform every day of the month, and it so thin it showed her Kotex belt some of ‘em.

One night she was out here in a pair a them wind-up-your-leg sandals---like in Quo Vadis? ‘member that? Those things twisted and turned like Jack’s beanstalk up them dumpy legs til who’d a thought it. And silver, at that. With big ole chunky heels---wadn’t SHE a sight?
She had on a white big-tailed dress like that one blowed up around Merrlunn MON-roe, and even though there wadden a breeze stirrin’, ever now and then, she’d sorta give a big gasp, stand there stiff-legged and spraddled a little bit and throw both hands down over her skirt, right in the middle. Then she’d just throw back her head, and giggle. Just ridicklus, that’s what it was. And kinda pitiful, too.

You come back just any time, OK? We’ll be right here---open all the time.

Saturday, January 15, 2011


The whole world seems snowy, Y’all. Now’s not the pickling season, but a quick trip to your local grocery for a big handful of Kirbys, a quick slice and cook, and your kitchen will smell like August in the South. These are SO easy, and can be made one day and served proudly forth the next, with a little clump on your suppertable tonight, just for a taste, you know.

This will make a nice Tupperware quart, for the fridge, and by the time they’re good and cold, they taste like PICKLES!

Eight or ten nice-sized little Kirbys---cut a little slice off the ends
A big sweet onion, cut into quarters, then thinly sliced
A good palmful of Kosher or pickling salt
A cup of sugar
Half a cup of vinegar
¼ t. Turmeric
Tablespoon of Mustard seeds
Teaspoon or so of chopped pimiento, if you like it---just for the pretty of it

Slice Kirbys the pickle-thickness you like. Toss them and the onion with the salt, cover them with about the same amount of ice, and let sit a couple of hours.

Bring sugar, vinegar, turmeric and mustard seeds to a boil; drain cucumbers in a colander, and rinse til ice is gone. Put them into the pot, bring to a boil, then remove from heat, stir in the pimiento (opt.), and let cool in the pot. Store them in a Tupperware in the fridge, and every meal, you’ll think you’re on a Summer picnic.

And for an addictive adjunct: Open that Tupperware and stir in about a third as many sliced pickled jalapenos as you have pickles---I don't know what you call them, but somebody say Hot DAMMM!